urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oh_my_grace Deadly, I promise you. oh_my_grace 2005-03-31T04:21:47Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oh_my_grace:5122 2005-03-31T04:21:47Z 2005-03-31T04:21:47Z dear grace,<br />i hate you.<br />love,<br />me. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oh_my_grace:4863 2004-11-02T00:47:10Z 2004-11-02T00:47:10Z dcfc- lightness Wow, i think i forgot all about lj. I find this to be an accomplishment in itself. Well not much has changed since i last updated. I have an extremely valuable offer on my plate in reguards to post graduation. It could be everything i have ever wanted or dreamed, which is why i am hesitant to choose whether or not to leave. I am not positive which direction i should follow my insitincts. My heart says stay here but my head is telling me to start packing. I don't want to be molded by a lavish life there where your status in life is soley based on material goods [i.e. expensive cars, houses boats etc]. That's just not me. Maybe it would be fun during my college years but i think staying here is going to be my best bet. I haven't much to stay for but what i do have, i value highly. There are so many things i want to persue, so many places i want to travel and still so many things i want to learn. <br />On another note: I think it set in that im not going to be young forever today. These days/years are so valuable and ours to make of them what we wish. They're ours to cherish, these memories will last us for the rest of our lives, so inhand i intend on making the remainder of mine worth looking back on in 20 years and smiling. After all life is what you make it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oh_my_grace:4511 2004-10-13T13:11:29Z 2004-10-13T13:11:29Z ummm let's see. here's a little update for the few people who might read this. i haven't been doing too much lately. just making alot of money, so i can buy/pay for my own things. i just got the kids dressed for school and now i am eating breakfast that i cooked for myself, then i plan on returning to bed. fall break has been pretty decent with a few exceptions. i wish i could see a few awesome people on a more regular basis but that doesn't look so promising. my life doesn't consist of much right now. i am trying to stay focused and not complain. i am also trying hard not to fall into the whole wanting a specific guy and seeking happiness through him charade. i just need to live my life as i see fit. i have never worried about guys until this year. GAY. 17 years, i was on a roll. im kind of pissed now that i think about it. i have done so well for myself for so long, so why should i start now? any ways i am 2 months shy of 18. this could have potential. december 1st, for all of you faggots who weren't aware when the best thing to happen to your life was born. wow i love the perks of sarcasim. i also love food when i wake up. nothing beats 4 waffles and an extremely large glass of milk. today i plan on accomplishing a few things. which are but not limited to the following.......having a good day, trying to make sure my friends are having a good day, clean my room, tell my mom i really do love her [even though she hates me] calling my dad and telling him why i have pent up frustration toward him for the billionth time, calling my ex-step dad aka my fatherly figure and cleaning his house tomorrow before he gets home for work as a suprise, buying myself a few new articles of clothing since no one else will and last but not least, making time for anyone who wants to hang out with gay ole' me. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oh_my_grace:4124 2004-09-27T01:44:31Z 2004-09-27T01:44:31Z i just ate 4 meals. update<br /><br />yet another hurricane...awesome. i'm at jody's house again bc staying with my mom through another hurricane was out of the question, for me atleast. i'm kind of sad. it's bothersome that my personality doesn't allow me to display any sort affection toward anyone i like, it kind of sucks. i guess that's just who i am though? and i wonder sometimes if it will ever change. homecoming is in 6 days. yippy. i get to dress like up for one night. exciting? maybe. we'll see. i would like to spend time with this someone after homecoming but that will most likely not happen, like go out to the beach or something. i don't know probably just party. lskfjalkfja gay gay gay. god hates me. i just want to eat 24/7, every single day. food is my only love. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oh_my_grace:3901 2004-09-12T22:25:50Z 2004-09-12T22:25:50Z lskjfa skf sdfsdf Everyone's watching, to see what you will do<br /> Everyone's looking at you, oh<br /> Everyone's wondering, will you come out tonight<br /> Everyone's trying to get it right, get it right<br /><br /> Everybody's working for the weekend<br /> Everybody wants a little romance<br /> Everybody's goin' off the deep end<br /> Everybody needs a second chance, oh<br /> You want a piece of my heart<br /> You better start from start<br /> You wanna be in the show<br /> Come on baby lets go<br /><br /> Everyone's looking to see if it was you<br /> Everyone wants you to come through<br /> Everyone's hoping it'll all work out<br /> Everyone's waiting they're holding out<br /><br /> Everybody's working for the weekend<br /> Everybody wants a little romance<br /> Everybody's goin' off the deep end<br /> Everybody needs a second chance, oh<br /> You want a piece of my heart<br /> You better start from start<br /> You wanna be in the show<br /> Come on baby lets go<br /><br /> (quick break)<br /><br /> You want a piece of my heart<br /> You better start from start<br /> You wanna be in the show<br /> Come on baby lets go<br /><br /> You want a piece of my heart<br /> You better start from start<br /> You wanna be in the show<br /> Come on baby lets go urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oh_my_grace:3582 2004-08-12T02:03:38Z 2004-08-12T02:03:38Z life update:<br /><br />so senior year is finally underway. we now have exam exemptions and i already managed to miss a day. i found out homecoming is october 2nd. that's lame and i will probably not be attending. i have never attended a high school dance... ever. prom will serve as my first and last high school dance experience. the cruise is coming up. that should be very exciting with brittany, alicia and amanda. um nothing else is that exciting or notable in my life. for a while i thought possibly liking some one would be a cool and positive change. wrong. im still retarted grace. who was i kidding? anyways i just want to hang out with people and watch movies like i used to. i guess that stopped being cool in 6th grade though. if you would like to hang out and do that call me. seriously. im down. on that note im gone. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oh_my_grace:3108 2004-08-04T01:43:47Z 2004-08-04T01:43:47Z hahahhahaha i am such a faggot. i suck harder at life right now more than ever. another person i care deeply about passed away. fucking cool. i hate school, im behind credits. i am not nearly half as invovled as in previous years. but who cares. i never see my mom. i never see my dad. i feel like i dont even have parents eventhough i know i do. i have finally hit rock bottom. this is awesome. i hate everything right now. but most importantly i hate myself. i am the biggest failure/ walking controdiction i have ever met. i will not succeed in life because i am just a loser like that. some one directed a comment toward me and i wanted to cry. and not because it was mean or hurtful. i guess it was a compliment? but even those make me feel bad about myself. so basically i am a pice of shit. who is going now where. with no one. no guy i have ever liked has liked me back. RADICAL. this is where i drink myself into a coma. or some one kills me.....3...2...1...GO! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oh_my_grace:2861 2004-07-29T15:34:49Z 2004-07-29T15:34:49Z summer coming to an end this summer has gone exceptionally well for me. i have met some awesome people around here and got to know some other ones better. i wanted to go to nj but then i didnt. going up there makes me happy but it also opens my eyes, in the sense that i should be thankful that there is so much to do here. where they live there is nothing to do, friday nights there are spent at small town parties with the same people attending time and time again or hanging out on the boardwalk. which means kinda like hanging out at the mall [except on the beach], and that scene kind of died along time ago there. i appreciate florida bc its awesome. beaches, fun places, alot of shows and hot bitches. oh silly me. i feel like i have grown up this summer surprisingly. not alot but maybe a little. i just view things soo differently now. im taking baby steps toward being a better person. oh and i hate school. senoir year starts monday and i may already be screwed out of graduating due to getting really sick during summer school because i was on my death bed. that's real cool. i hope everything works out. i do not look forward to seeing almost everyone. i dont feel comfortable at school and i dont like seeing people i used to know. i want to go to class do whatever it is i have to do to get by, and get out. i am focusing on writing. i have been doing alot of it all summer. i have met a person i adore. the beautiful ones hurt you everytime, as told to me by my sister 5 years ago, but it still holds true. yea ok enough of these in depth entries for me.<br /><br /><br />buying my own school clothes sucks. if you have an extra t-shirt you dont want anymore that you want to give me; let me know. i will really appreciate this. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oh_my_grace:2706 2004-07-26T16:19:19Z 2004-07-26T16:19:19Z ok no one really comments anymore. so i thought hmm i could sit here and type about how shitty things are in general and send out an invite to my pitty party via LJ entry but instead i am going to devote an entry to how much i love my sister. to my sister; best friend; partner in crime; mom; party partner; & the unofficial ghandi in my life. to those of you who dont know my sister, you better believe you are fucking missing out, majorly. she is the best thing that has ever, and i mean ever happened to me. ever since i was little she has always taken care of me. i can honestly say she is the sole reason i am still alive. we have gone through so much fucking shit together with the all of the deaths, expecially the ones of our grandparents, the divorces and marriages. nevertheless we have made it through everything together. and everytime we dont think it can possibly get any worse..it never fails to do so.. but then we look at one another and we're like..."well, atleast we have eachother." and its sooo true. no matter what, she has been there. for anything that has ever ment anything to me, its been her i look to for a source of security, strength, and truth. she keeps me in line, and every time i mess up she lets me know and of course puts me back in my place. we have shared so many memories throughout my 17 years of existance, i dont know where i would be without her. last christmas when moving to nj was a call away, i didnt dial. because leaving her is one thing i could never do. i know that we eventually we will have our own lives and that kind of scares me, because then i will have no one to do everything with. i dont necessarily need a replacement, but these are my thoughts, i feel like my sister and i are just two guys when we are hanging out. we hate most girls, we like to drink beer, we likes mudd wrestling, we loves sports, we prefer movies about drug laundering and prostition, and we appreciate the company of guys more so than girls anyday. and im just afraid that once she grows up a little more and moves out i will have no one to do/enjoy these things with. no one to corrupt me? what the hell. who is going to tell me everything i need to know about everything i know so little on? i mean its not every day some one comes into your life and knows who you are understands where you have been and still wants to be around you. hmmmm. not many. seriously my sister rules on so many different levels i cant even express in words.<br />leave me a comment if you wish to bring some excitement to my life. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oh_my_grace:2536 2004-07-23T20:59:14Z 2004-07-23T20:59:14Z 3 little kidsss.... i just calculated the amout of money i have made this summer so far. and all i want to know now is....why am i such a moron? once again i should have listened to my sister. $20 bucks here, $130 for this. $90 for that. however, i have had fun spending it. and i will continue to do so. i pay my bills and i think that i should be able to do whatever i want with the money i have left over. what i have and own i have paid for. my clothes, shoes, phone, my entertainment center in my room. my school stuff. to all of you who have never had to work for anything, good luck in life. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oh_my_grace:1860 2004-07-20T16:44:14Z 2004-07-20T17:12:40Z the bled- you know who's seat belt i am back from my trip. it was pretty awesome. went to new york city the 1st day there. we took a fairy over and i just stood in awe of the cliffs where we parked. the scenery was nothing short of magnificant. saw alot of drunk bums, was outside the courthouse when my martha was being sentenced. i thought in my head, "wow if only i had a "free martha" poster." i look over to my right and yea you guessed it, some one had taken my idea. that was priceless. saw hilary duff in concert for free. she's really short, and can't sing well live but, what are you gonna do. our posters we on good morning america. also did some shopping. was approached my really shady people to buy serious goods, with emphasis on serious. the next day i left to maryland. i stayed at my aunts extravagant house near the bay. lil drinky drink there. was offered a room there if i want to move in with them. sooo fucking tempting. we did some things there that were excellent. left the next day. headed back to new jersey. i hate how relationships change people. my close cousin secluded himself the whole time we were there. he was either talking on the phone with his gf or hanging out with her. hahah way to go asshole. but anyways. went to my uncles new house. drank a little bit, talked about old times, laughed so hard i seriously almost peed my pants. WAS NOT DRUNK. called a few people in florida. that was fun. except for one person who hung up on me. umm lets see, the next day i went to my grandparents farm. fun shit. talked to my grandpa ALOT. he told me everything i am not doing that i need to be doing to be "worthy" in his eyes. that sucks for me. i ate alot of food the whole time i was there. thought about alot of things. alot of things still suck but oh well. i got my palms read. aah fucking wow. that in itself was just wow. so this trip was jam packed. non stop hanging out with family and car trips with ultimate car kareoke sing alongs. some one please revoke my listening privlages to saves the day. freaking non stop with that the whole way. so i think i might be happy to be here in florida. but then again yea. im missing out. one day there will be a road trip to new jersey and maryland. and sone one will get to meet my family. bc none of my friends ever have. that would rule, to share a trip/experiences with some one meeting my family i dont know, ew im starting to sound gay. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oh_my_grace:1573 2004-07-14T00:08:35Z 2004-07-14T00:08:35Z modest mouse- float on i fly into philly in exactly 2 days. i will only be gone for 5 days. but now even that seems like a long time. i am going to miss everyone so much. edit: i will only miss a few of you, which probably isnt you. if you want me to bring you something back from one the following states i will be visiting, such as pennsylvaina, new jersey, new york or maryland, let me know. i cant wait to see all of my family. this calls for extreme hang outs/slumber parties/beach walks/tractor rides/getting drunk with family/car kareoke/huge crab feasts in MD with rich people and overall just really good times with great people whom i love. my sister and i will be flying together which is always fun. she is my best friend, god i love her. i babysitt tonight so that only leaves me tomorrow night [wednesday night] to do/hang out with anyone before i leave. so i guess if you want to see this dumb bitch before she leaves you better post or call. if not oh well...i will still be gay when i return. i forgot to mention my grandparents live down the street from a nudist colony. ha ha ha. ew<br /><br />lady notes..<br />jody, dont get what we usually get while im gone. that would KILL me.<br />ashley, your almost 18. we're awesome. you smoke cigarettes? jk<br />eve, haha aw eve. DONT PULL A GRACE. &lt;3 urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oh_my_grace:1108 2004-07-07T02:10:18Z 2004-07-07T02:10:18Z if i left for new jersey right now, it wouldnt be soon enough.<br />im tired of being in company of others yet feeling so alone.<br />none of you get me, nor will you ever.<br />its that simple.<br />id rather be with family that i feel some what knows me and understands me AND my weirdness AND loves me for it.<br />THEY UNDERSTAND, you dont<br />i feel like i am wasting my time.<br />and by that i mean every week, every day, every second that goes by i feel i am wasting precious time by not being able to be with people who love me.<br />who love me. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oh_my_grace:983 2004-07-03T01:08:40Z 2004-07-03T01:48:57Z hahahha WHATEVER i know im being used.<br /><br />but its ok man cause i like the abuse.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I'm just a sucker with no self esteem. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oh_my_grace:586 2004-06-22T03:17:21Z 2004-06-22T03:17:21Z Queen- Another One Bites The Dust Everything is soo temporary, including people.<br /><br />I want more from life, so I must give more?<br /><br />*Not starting tomorrow....Starting now...<br /><br />I want to travel the world.<br />I want to experience various cultures.<br />I want to be enlightened on others religions.<br />I want to live life [everyday] to its ultimate capacity, knowing that any day could be my last.<br />I want to die with a fair amount of satisfaction.<br />And perhaps somewhere in this preposterous attempt in accomplishing all of these dreams, I will find someone to share it all with.<br />I just want to know what it feels like to care for something or maybe even someone compassionately.<br />Too much to ask? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:oh_my_grace:263 2004-06-16T03:30:24Z 2004-06-16T03:30:24Z Take me home tonight- Eddie Money So I finally acquired one of these bad boys. Better late than never I suppose. I don't plan on writing too much in here however, my mind is constantly changing so I can't promise that I won't drop a few lines about my extravagant life or devote an entire entry to lavish and seemingly pointless stories that I feel are substantially significant. My feelings for this mechanism fluctuate, I believe these things can serve as a useful tool in expressing oneself, yet can also contribute to lack of human, [person to person] interaction. I ultimately plan on using this to.......wow, i really don't know. But when i come up with a clever and witty response i'll let you know.